we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
