one word: firstdatebathroomanal
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
