Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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