Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.

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(281): View more from Texas

He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.

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(915): View more from Texas

at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.

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(303): View more from Colorado

He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.

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(618): View more from Illinois

In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days

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