ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
