i may or may not be watching the land before time
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
