So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
