in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
