just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
