I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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