The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
