woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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