Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
