I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
