Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
