I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize