i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
