my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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