either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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