why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
