I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
