So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize