I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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