i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
