Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
50% drunk capacity currently
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
