you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
