i was born a porn star she said
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
