porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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