i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am midnight drunk by noon
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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