Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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