I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
