census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
