How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
