just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
