Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
