the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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