You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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