I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
