You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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