I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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