We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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