i used baking grease as lip gloss
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
