He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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