wat bout pragnant strippers??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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