I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize