Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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