i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My liver just had a heart attack.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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