dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
