Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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