what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
