I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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