All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
