Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
