Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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