girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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