Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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