When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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