at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She told me I should be a condom model.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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