Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
