I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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