I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
