Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
