You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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