the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
