1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
