I met the friendliest cop last night
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just had sex on a roof
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
