is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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