A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize