Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
