Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed

Fav 12 3803 816
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(248): View more from Michigan

Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...

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(703): View more from Virginia

relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks

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(701): View more from North Dakota

That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.

Fav 4 3393 1059
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(518): View more from New York

I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.

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