Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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