i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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