Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am one with the molecules
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize