Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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