My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
