i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
