I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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