Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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