Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
