whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
