Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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