Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize