What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
