I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
one two three fourrrrnication!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
