This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
