okay pat passed out under dana's car
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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