that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
