Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
