What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just had sex on a roof
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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