Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
