I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
