If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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