I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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