I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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