is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize