obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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