i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
