well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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