Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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