Someone shit on the floor
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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