New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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