guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
