i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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