I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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