Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
