the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
