pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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