just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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