So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize