I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
