where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
