my shit smells like andre
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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