This girl is more easily done than said...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
