just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
